Decisions
by HANNAH GRACEx
Summary: Plans never work out the way we mean them to... ADDEK eventually. Rating for now, could go up in the future.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Sup my names Shonda, and I love ruining peoples lives and pissing off my fans.

Nahh, I'm just joshing you. I don't own shit.

A/N: So here's the dealio. I've been obsessed with Grey's since S1. Been writing fic since S2. Never posted anything, since I'm 72 sure it's all crap. This one's okay, I think. I started it before Private Practice was in existence in any way shape or form. I guess it's set sometime early to mid S3. The Shepherd's definitely got their divorce on. Mer and Mark will probably come in somewhere, haven't gotten that far yet. Whatever. If anyone's still reading my rambling, I'm impressed, now on with the story.

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Addison Montgomery had a feeling in her stomach. Not the kind of feeling that Meredith Grey had that day she almost blew up, but a different sort of feeling. A feeling of bottled up anxiety, sadness, and guilt that felt like it was eating her up inside.

It had been a bad year. She had lost Derek, she had lost New York, and now she had just lost her mother. She had lost each thing in a different way, of course. She had lost Derek to indifference and well, Meredith. She had lost Mew York to Seattle, and now she had lost her mother to a heart attack. The 3 AM call from her brother had come as a complete surprise, but to be honest, it was a bit of a relief.

The woman was a complete nightmare. She was incredibly stuck-up, judgemental, and all around irritating. And even though her mother's death had not inspired any intense feelings of grief, it did pose a problem for Addison. She had been planning on traveling to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her mother. It hadn't been something she was looking forward to, but nonetheless she had planned on going. 

It wasn't that she had wanted to spend the holiday with her mother, because she hadn't. Really, she just hadn't wanted to be alone. She had been feeling alone for the past few years, and not just around the holidays, and she was growing tired of it. Not a great feeling, to be surrounded by people, and yet still feel completely alone. And that's why, although she didn't particularly like her family, she had planned on spending Christmas with them.

She had been invited by Derek's sister to spend Christmas with the Shepherds. Nancy had called her weeks ago to reiterate what she had told Addison while she was in Seattle. As far as Nancy was concerned, Addison was still very much a part of the Shepherd clan, whether or not she and Derek were together. She just wasn't so sure the rest of the family shared the same opinion of her, Derek in particular.

Sure, they had been civil, but to spend Christmas together? That couldn't be a good idea. Though she hadn't seen them together, she was sure Derek was involved with Meredith, and if he brought her home for Christmas that was bound to be awkward. She and Meredith mostly avoided each other, occasionally working together on cases, but remaining professional. Although they could probably stand to be around each other without any major problems, it would just be less complicated it Addison stayed away.

Maybe she could just talk to Derek about it. Inquire as to his holiday plans in the spirit of being civil? And if he wasn't bringing Meredith, she could call Nancy to see if the offer was still open. Yes, that would work, she would talk to Derek. Chances were he wasn't even going home for Christmas. So with a new resolve, and a plan to talk to her ex-husband about his holiday plans, Addison entered Seattle Grace.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: I hate shonda. Hate hate. Stupid recycled storylines. Stupid MerDer. Stupid George. I hate them all, cept for Callie. Callie's kind of a rock star. I wish Izzie would disappear, for god's sakes, no one likes you, just leave. And my god, a healer. Wtf. You can't come up with anything better than that? **I **could figure out something more interesting. How bout we kill Meh and Rose, and bring Addison back to reminisce over wedding photos. Then she and Derek can fall into bed together…

And they'll realize that the divorce wasn't valid because Addison accidently signed with her left hand, you see, she had Mark's dick in the other one. And then they'll live happily ever after and BAM!i'm wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.

Ha sorry bout that, on with the story.

Disclaimer: I'm not writing this again.

Addison's day was going well. She had preformed two successful C-sections and had been attempting to work up the nerve to talk to Derek all day. I mean, how does one start a conversation with her ex-husband? 'Sup Derek, we haven't talked for awhile, but what are you doing for Christmas? And if you're going home, could you please leave Meredith here so I won't feel uncomfortable?' Yeah, that would go well, she would have to broach the subject carefully, so as not to set him off, which was annoyingly easy for her to do.

Addison's pager went off, pulling her away from her thoughts. She looked down at her waist, 5th floor nurses station. She walked to the elevator, heels clacking to answer the page.

When she boarded the elevator, she came face to face with the object of her recent turmoil. Derek Shepherd was leaning against the wall, typical, he always was a leaner.

"Hello Derek." She greeted politely, going to press the button for her desired floor, only to find that it was already illuminated.

"Addison." He replied, sighing deeply.

"It's nice to see you too?" She questioned hesitantly.

"Sorry, it's just… Meredith, you don't want to hear about it." 

"Oh, it's alright if you want to talk about it, whatever."

"Well, it's the holidays. I want to go home for Christmas, and she's got it in her head that she wants to go with me. And I know that would end badly, I mean, Nancy and Kathleen would rip her apart. Plus she's been so whiny and annoying lately, I don't even want her to come." He sighed again.

"I could talk to her if you want. Make Christmas at the Shepherd's sound horrible. Plus, I was invited too, and I don't think it would be a good idea to go if she does. Too much awkward there."

"You'd really do that? It would be a huge help."

"No problem," she replied as the elevator dinged and opened at her floor, "I'll see you later Derek, consider it done."

"See you Addie, and thanks again."

Addison got off the elevator with a slight smile on her face at the use of her nickname. She was already forming a plan to keep Meredith Grey away from Connecticut this Christmas.


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: I know, I know, it's been about 329578395759 years since I last updated (did anyone notice? Is anyone reading this? cough review cough), but in my defense, school is absolute hell and my grandmother has been in the hospital. I kind of forgot about this story for a while..

In other news: the writer's strike is finally over! Grey's is back on April 24th, though I haven't heard anything about Private Practice (PP? PrP? What are we calling it in fic land?), which is sort of a bummer. Has anyone seen the Cadillac commercials with Kate in them? The make me want to projectile vomit. I cringe every time I see one.

"When you turn your car on, does it return the favor?"

Now on with the story.

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A few minutes later Addison spied Meredith walking towards the intern's locker room in that lazy, careless, hunched over way that she does. Sometimes she wanted to give that girl a less on posture. And her hair? Seriously? Addison would never be seen out of the house looking like Meredith, even on her best day.

"Meredith!" Addison called to the young intern, who turned to see who was calling her. When she saw that it was Addison a look of fear passed over her face. Addison smirked, she still had it. She could still inspire fear in the hearts of interns. Or at least inters that were sleeping with her husband. Ex-husband, she mentally corrected herself.

"Yes Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith answered after she composed herself.

"I heard you're thinking about attending Christmas with the Shepherd's?"

"Where did you hear that?" Her eyes narrowed slightly and her tone became suspicious.

"Oh, I heard Yang bitching at Stevens, something about losing her holiday drinking buddy to a her of McDreamys. I figured she must have meant Derek's family. Now, let me give you some advice about dealing with Derek's family. Don't. They're nightmares, the whole lot of them, snobbish and annoying. Derek doesn't even like him. Didn't you see how crazy it made him when Nancy came to visit?"

"I don't see how this is any of your business, but I happen to think it's important to meet my boyfriends family. And besides, why do you care? I'm the woman who stole your husband, for god sakes, don't you want to see me miserable?"

"Meredith, I told you once that I didn't hate you, and I still don't. And even if I did, no one deserves the… experience that is Derek's family, not even the woman who stole my husband. I mean, if they weren't pleasant to me after over a decade of marriage to Derek, how do you think they'll treat you?"

"I don't know, Dr. Montgomery, but I'll take what you said into consideration. Derek and I haven't made any concrete plans yet. Thanks for the advice."

"No problem Meredith."

As Addison watched the intern disappear into the locker room, Addison was pretty sure her mission had been accomplished.


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: look who's back, back again, Hannah's back, tell your friends.

Disclaimer: Shonda owns, nuff said.

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_He said it was a one night stand _

_But the alcohol didn't let her understand._

_He said it was a one night stand, a one night stand._

_-Fourth Drink Instinct, Cute is what we Aim For_

Derek's POV:

A year ago, the one thing that Derek had wanted most was for Addison to give up on their sham of a marriage so that he could be with Meredith. Twelve months later, he seriously doubted his own sanity.

Meredith had been a breath of fresh air, but now it was as stale as the air on a flight from New York to Hong Kong. And he wanted out.

The thing was, Derek had never been good with confrontation. He had a tendency to wait around until someone else brought up a problem rather than voice it himself. Growing up with four sisters, that had never been a problem, but when he entered the real world he realized that his way of doing things made life very difficult.

And still Derek made no effort to change it. The way he figured, he was the way he was, and the people around him would have to figure out a way to deal with it.

When he married Addison, he figured their mutual passive aggressiveness wouldn't be a problem. As their marriage began to crumble it became apparent that two people who never voiced their feelings could never succeed as a couple.

Addison had an excuse. Her upbringing couldn't be more different than his own. Growing up in the Shepherd household had been a bit cluttered and noisy, but someone was always around, and Derek had never been lonely. Addison on the other hand was an only child, a mistake of sorts made by two incredibly busy workaholic parents. They had never had time for Addison. The closest thing she had to a real family had been nannies and butlers, but they came and went.

When he thought about Addison's situation growing up, he could understand why she had turned to Mark for comfort. When they got married he had promised her that she would never be lonely again, a promise he broke time and time again. He ignored her for years, and Addison was a strong woman, but she could only take so much.

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When Derek met Meredith he had still been nursing the wound left by Addison and Mark's betrayal. Raw and hurt, he had picked up a girl in a bar, never intending it to be anything more than a one night stand.

Meredith had turned out to be something different. His refuge from the storm that was his marriage, his escape, his anesthesia. She had been perfect in his eyes.

Later on, feeling trapped in his marriage he built Meredith up. He convinced himself that she was the love of his life. Addison was the evil bitch keeping him from the woman he truly loved. Prom wasn't a mistake, it was his way of putting things back the way they were supposed to be, or that's how he thought of it at the time.

Now he realized he couldn't have been more wrong. Meredith was far from perfect, and she certainly wasn't the love of his life. She was whiny and annoying, clingy and immature, damaged and afraid to commit. She had so much baggage it was weighing the both of them down. Meredith was a nice girl, and he did care about her, but their relationship, built on lies and adultery, was doomed from the start.

_She doesn't deserve to be in a place like this, all alone…_

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A/n numero dos: anyone interested in beta-ing? PM/review me if your interested.

Or you could just review :


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: so last night my power went out. I'm not talking like when your power goes out and then comes right back on. It was out literally all night long. And it was thirty degrees and snowing like mad outside, which is not a good combination when you have no heat. But it gets even better. I had two exams that I hadn't started studying for, because procrastination is my middle name and such. So I'm sitting in the dark with a flashlight trying to study, and I'm like, ight' screw this shit, and I drove over to my grandmother's house and slept there. My forty-five year old uncle who still lives there didn't mind (since said grandmother is in the hospital :[). Oh and I just totally blew off a presentation I had for English and my teacher was bitching me out. And then I dropped my brand new freaking camera that I am in love with and it's basically fcked now. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad day.

In other news: I'm going on a ski trip this weekend that is relatively un-chaperoned. Good deal, no?

Back to Addison's POV by the way.

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As soon as Addison walked away from Meredith, feelings of guilt crept into her head and her stomach twisted with uncertainty. She knew what she had just done was wrong. She was sabotaging Derek and Meredith's relationship, granted he had asked her to, but that didn't make it any better really.

And she knew exactly why she had done it, though she wasn't ready to admit that to anyone but herself. Addison still loved Derek. Of course she did, him sleeping with Meredith and subsequently leaving her had done nothing to change what was in her heart. Addison wasn't in any way stupid; she knew that Derek didn't feel the same way. And even though she knew this, she couldn't help the hopeful feeling she got when he complained about Meredith.

While she was fighting for her marriage and living in the trailer, she knew that Derek loved Meredith, she just hadn't been willing to give up yet. After prom Addison had finally admitted defeat, something she didn't do very often. Yes, Derek had won the twisted little game that they had been playing. He got to be the good guy who stayed with his adulterous wife-this was very admirable of course-and in the end he got to be with the woman he truly loved.

But maybe he really didn't love Meredith the way that Addison had originally thought? When she first arrived in Seattle, Addison thought that there was no way that his relationship with Meredith actually meant anything. Over time she had come to believe that Meredith and Derek really did love each other. And now, once again, Addison had no idea what to think.

Addison's thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of her pager on her hip. She looked down and saw that it was a 911. She shook her head, ridding herself of distracting thoughts about Meredith and Derek, and rushed off to answer her page.

XXX

She spent the rest of the day elbow deep in patients' uteruses, which proved to be an effective way to keep her mind off of her current dilemma. When her shift finally ended, she was exhausted, and stumbled her way into the locker room. She was immediately faced with the object of her earlier turmoil.

"Oh, hey Derek," she addressed her ex-husband tiredly.

"Hey Addie, long day?"

"Oh, you have no idea."

"For me too, it felt as if it would go on forever. Hey, did you get a chance to talk to Mer?"

"Well, yeah, I did, but I don't know about this Derek. Do you really think this is a good idea? I mean, I know it's not any of my business, but it seems like your running away from your problems by going home for Christmas without her. Shouldn't you try talking to her?"

As she spoke, Addison watched Derek's features change from a question expression to one of annoyance.

"Your right Addison," he said, reverting back to her full name, "It is none of your business."

And with that he breezed pass her, slamming the locker room door behind him.

"Well, that could have gone better," Addison thought to herself. She knew she should have stayed out of this; it really was none of her business. But she did want Derek to talk to Meredith, because even though she loved him, and would much rather be with him herself, in the end she just wanted Derek to be happy.

And one thing she didn't want was for history to repeat itself. Seeing Derek's failure to communicate with Meredith reminded her a little of her and Derek's own situation while they were married. No wonder Meredith was being a nightmare. She remembered all too well the feeling of having a husband-or in Meredith's case a significant other-that just didn't seem to want to talk to her. It was a desperate, frightening feeling that she hoped she would never have to experience again. Addison didn't particularly like Meredith, but she wouldn't wish that on anyone.

A half an hour later as she was walking out the glass doors of Seattle Grace Addison made a decision. She decided that she would stay out of this mess of a relationship between Meredith and Derek. Not only did she need to do it for the sake of their relationship, but for her own sanity as well. But this posed one problem, could Addison still attend Christmas with the Shepherds and keep this newly made promise to herself?

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_Derek's POV_

Derek was sitting on the bench outside of Seattle Grace, thinking about what Addison had said before. She was probably right, he realized that she usually was. He was avoiding again. He was avoiding talking to Meredith because he knew that the conversation he needed to have with her would be hard and painful. And Derek didn't like hard and painful, he liked easy and carefree. He wanted his breathe of fresh air, his girl from the bar, etc.

Something that he could no longer avoid, at least not in his own head and in his own heart, was that he wasn't in love with Meredith. He loved her, but he wasn't in love with her. And he didn't want her to come home for Christmas with him, because he knew his family would hate her and why put her through that for a relationship that wasn't going anywhere?

And then there was Addison, who his family liked and who wanted to come home for Christmas with him. Well, not really _with_ him, but they would be in the same proximity for an extended period of time.

He felt guilty. Guilty for putting her up to talking to Meredith. He had known she would do it. Guilty because he knew that she would feel guilty, because that was the kind of person Addison was. And when she had talked to him in the locker room she had seemed so conflicted and nervous and sad that his heart had broken a little for her.

He didn't know what was going on with her, but he wanted to. And it surprised him that he cared. They were divorced, and he had made a point of telling her that he wanted nothing to do with her after the details of her and Mark's affair had come to light.

He had no idea what the hell was going on regarding Addison, so he figured he would deal with the woman in his life that had always been less complicated. Meredith. He didn't want to hurt her, but in his mind it was already over between the two of them, and he knew he had to make it official.

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A/n numero dos: I am freaking out. Addie back on Grey's? I almost pissed my pants when I heard. We better get Addek interaction. Thank you writer's strike, Shonda, you finally did something right, love ya babe!


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: Life sucks right now. Like friggin sucks ass. I HATE high school. Hate hate.

In other news: "Wayward Son" is stuck in my head. Fucking irritating.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

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Derek's POV:

He had sat on the bench outside of SGH for almost two hours, gazing off into space. When he finally stood up his eyes had an almost glazed over look to them. He walked. He didn't think about where he was going, but when he arrived in front of Meredith's house it didn't surprise him.

He was soaked. He hadn't even noticed when it had begun to rain. He shivered slightly and rang the doorbell and waited, dreading the conversation that lay ahead.

George answered the door, looking slightly disheveled as he usually did,

"Oh hey Dr. Shepherd."

"Hey George, is Meredith here?"

"Yeah, hold on, I'll get her," he replied and disappeared up the stairs.

A moment later Meredith appeared and smiled a little when she saw him. It tugged at his heart when he thought of how he was about to wipe that smile off her face.

"Hey Mer, we need to talk."

"Talk? About what? Is this about going to your parents' for Christmas, because I talked to Addison and –"

"No, it's not about that, not really. Listen Meredith, we've been together for a while now, and it's been great, it really has. And I care about you a lot, you know that, it's just…"

"What are you trying to say Derek?"

"I'm saying that I don't think it's working out between us."

"Seriously? Seriously Derek? Are you kidding me? What about 'Meredith I love you, you're my breath of fresh air,'? I thought this thing – us, together was working well. I thought you LOVED me!"

"I do love you Meredith. And you helped me get through a really horrible time in my life, and for that I'll always be grateful to you. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. And it's not fair to either of us to settle for less than what we deserve. And Meredith, you deserve someone that loves you with all his heart, and I can't be that guy for you."

"So what, it's just over? Just like that? We're done."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

Derek gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek and walked off her porch, back into the rainy night, feeling strangely free for the first time in a long time.

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Addison's POV:

Addison was sitting on the uncomfortable couch in her hotel room (she REALLY needed to find an apartment) when her cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

Hey Addie, it's me, Derek."

"Oh, hey Derek," she answered, a little uneasy about where this conversation would go after their fight earlier.

"I just wanted to call to you were right about talking to Meredith."

Wow, she thought. Derek, admitting he was wrong? She should seriously write this down somewhere because it didn't happen too often.

"Oh, thanks, I appreciate it."

"Yeah… I actually broke up with her."

"You did? Oh my god Derek, I hope you didn't break up with her because of something I said!"

"No, it wasn't really that. You did clear things up for me though, I realized I could never love her the way she deserves to be loved. It wasn't going to work out, I just wish I would have figured that out before it got this far. I'm sorry I hurt you Addie."

"Well, I guess I appreciate your apology, though I have to say I'm surprised, I thought you two were in it for the long run, believe it or not."

"I did too for a while… Anyways, that wasn't the only reason I called. I just wanted to let you know that you're welcome at my house for Christmas, Meredith's obviously not going to be there, so it shouldn't be too awkward."

"Wow, thanks Derek. But are you sure I'm, you know, welcome there? After all that's happened the past couple of years?"

"Don't be silly, you know my family loves you."

"Well, the did love me, but that was before…"

"Don't worry Addison, they still do, they've long since forgiven you."

"Okay, well if you're sure…"

"I'm sure. In fact, I'm going to book a plane ticket online now, would you like me to book one for you as well?"

"If it's not too much trouble, that would be great."

"No trouble at all."

"Okay well, thanks Derek, I guess I'll see you at work?"

"Yeah, see you at work. Goodnight Addie."

"Goodnight Derek."

As she hung up the phone, Addison couldn't help but feel a little confused at Derek's behavior. Why was he suddenly treating her so nicely after avoiding her like the plague since the divorce? Maybe he was feeling guilty for something, or could it be more…?

Addison quickly shook that thought from her head. That was just wishful thinking on her part. She and Derek were divorced, and though she still had strong feelings for him, she doubted very much that they were reciprocated. Derek was just being a good guy, Derek was always the good guy.

Atleast she wouldn't be alone for Christmas.


End file.
